Confidence—everyone wants it, and we can easily spot it in others. But when it comes to summoning our own confidence, it can feel like an impossible task. The good news is this sense of confidence isn't as elusive as it might feel. There are ways to develop self-confidence.

Where confidence comes from.

Confidence is self-trust in your skills, choices, and values. It comes from within yourself and feels like an inner knowing of your strengths and weaknesses while still thinking positively about yourself.

"Self-confidence comes from the information and ideas we take in through the world that support a positive perspective about ourselves," says licensed psychotherapist Rameya Shanmugavelayutham, LCSW. "Often we enter into the world with an abundance of self-confidence. Consider the young child who feels confident taking risks like jumping off the swings or dances without a care in front of a crowd. When a young child is affirmed and encouraged, they strengthen their sense of self and begin to hold cognitive schemas that confirm they are worthy, valuable, beautiful, intelligent, etc."

While many people often have a strong sense of confidence as a child, life often throws curve balls that can diminish confidence. Low self-confidence can feel like being unable to handle other people's criticisms or difficulty trusting yourself and others.

The great thing is, every moment is a chance to build evidence toward your self-confidence. To make up for what was lost, you can rebuild confidence over time through small and large moments that ladder up toward more self-trust. 

Notably, although they look similar on the surface, being shy or introverted does not equate to a lack of self-confidence. Shyness is a personality trait where some people are naturally timid around others. Being an introvert is also a personality trait, first described by Carl Jung as someone who prefers to turn inward to their internal world for reflection and insight. 

What causes low confidence? 

Just as you can build positive self-confidence, there are things that can erode it. According to Shanmugavelayutham, the way people are socialized and seen by those around them, in addition to difficult transitions in childhood, adolescence, and adulthood, can all lead to lower self-confidence

She says some factors that can contribute to a negative sense of self include:

  • Caregivers that are overly critical or reprimanding
  • Caregivers that limit a child's exploration
  • Feeling rejected by peers
  • Difficulties transitioning into a constructed idea of "adulthood"
  • Media representations and data from the world about what's "ideal" in a person

Varying levels of confidence can also show up in different situations. You may feel very confident in math because you were socialized and praised to succeed in your academic studies. You may feel less confident when it comes to public speaking because you've previously received criticisms from peers and haven't yet processed their feedback in a useful way.

Again, the good news is that low self-confidence is fixable, and you are totally in charge of making it happen.

ways to build confidence:

 

Understand what self-confidence feels like for you.

Figure out where your lack of confidence stems from.

Figure out where your lack of confidence stems from.

Start small.

Adopt a growth mindset.